Our Favorite Bartender

After dinner, with Potamus tucked quietly into the recliner with grammy, we headed on out to a little local bar that employs our favorite bartender. Yes, we have a favorite bartender. Back when Boof and I were dating, his sister was still living at home, and his other sister would come down from Bellevue for a weekly happy hour. And this bartender was the kind of guy you could say, “just make me something,” and he would come up with the PERFECT drink to compliment whatever mood we were in that night. And he’s sometimes give us complimentary drinks, and we’d tip generously, and have a grand time. And then he moved and got a different job and we didn’t see him again for about two years.

Then, Boof and I got a Groupon for a local bar/restuarant and lo and behold, there was favorite bartender! So, since Boof’s sister is back from Georgia (sans husband this time, boo!), we thought we’d pretend we were back in the good ol’ days and visit with our old friend. And boy he didn’t disappoint! The drinks ranged from rasberry limeade tasting, to a cucumber mixed margarita (maybe strawberry cucumber?) was DELISH. Yes! A fun weekend overall, connecting again as adults, rather than parents and aunties and uncles!

And if the drinks weren’t awesome enough, the mac n’cheese and fried cheese curds from Beecher’s cheese…AMAZING. I know, I know, we’re talking about CHEESE, which I’ve tried to give up, but seriously, this stuff was amazing!

Sometimes it is just really good to get out, get a drink, and act like a “kid” again!

 

How to communicate with family…

Standing on the couch

Verbal communication is hard. I’m much better in the written form, which is why I blog instead of submitting videos to Youtbue, I suppose. But I have found that communication with family is especially hard, and only lately have I been struggling to manage it all (probably due to lack of sleep and a helping dose of ‘not-giving-a-damn-the-older-I-get’). Like, my parents have been over eager and insecure in their dealings with Potamus. They make strange statements like, “oh, I’m so glad he remembers us,” (he’s 15 months, who cares if he doesn’t remember you), and the over-repetitive phrase of “such a handsome doood (how my dad pronounces dude).” It’s annoying.

But then so are my in-laws.

Like the constant saying of “no,” by my sister-in-law to Potamus who is in an exploratory phase (see 15 month old comment above). It’s one thing to say “no” and re-direct when he’s trying to grab the butane torch for the fireplace. Telling him “no” repeatedly that he shouldn’t bang his plastic maraca on the table is a bit overdramatic and overbearing to be perfectly honest. But I don’t know what to do. It’s not MY sister, it’s Boof’s. And he doesn’t seem to be as perturbed by it as me.

I just don’t want to have him hear NO all the time. While no is going to be used, I want it to be reserved for dangerous things, and not just used mindlessly. A re-direction is more appropriate. Or an explanation. And saying things like “gentle,” with no context for him to understand what it means. But I’m too deep in the emotion grating across my skull that I can’t rationally say anything because if I open my mouth it is going to be a SCREAM at them. So I bottle it in and don’t say anything and that just makes it worse.

Ugh.

Then, on Friday I was hanging out with Uncle Silly (my adoptive brother) and we got to talking about our sister, and communication within our family and some hurt feelings over her boyfriend not visiting with us, but having the time/energy to drive 3 hours to visit her birth family in Oregon. And I talked about how I try to navigate reunion with our parents and he talked about how he tries to navigate it with them, too. And then, I learn, that my parents were hurt that I invited my birthfamily to my Master’s celebration. I’m glad to know, but also glad that they didn’t tell me themselves at the time because I would have been pissed. The jealousy and insecurity named above is the bedrock of my adoptive family’s communication style and it’s just annoying that I have to deal with it in so many arenas.

If they weren’t helpful to me, I would just take a break from all sorts of things family related and do my own thing. Friendships are much easier to navigate, because I can just tell my friends what I feel without worry. Not sure why I can’t do the same for my families.

Suggestions? How do you deal with overbearing or overanxious or jealous family members? How do you communicate about your parenting styles when it comes to things like discipline.

Sunshine Saturday

Baby Balloon

Mimosas

After anger freakout 2013, I had a really nice week, which ended with a secret day off (Thursday) and a coffee date with a friend and her 11 week old baby. I love hanging out with her because she has such similar experiences of post-partum depression and sometimes an inability to cope with her 3 year old’s tantrums, and she cusses like a sailor and isn’t afraid to drink a mimosa while nursing. We had so much fun on Thursday that we headed over to the Nordstrom Cafe on Friday for a lunch, and Potamus was well-behaved, and enjoyed his fun balloon! It’s nice to be around other moms who understand and I don’t have to feel like I need to have it all together.

Sunshine

The sun has been shining this week and it has been GLORIOUS! Boof and I just finished a 2.5 walk in the evening sunshine, re-connecting after a stressful week for both of us.

Snuggles

This week my boss asked me if I would work over the summer, teaching 2 days a week and being in the office 2 days a week, just like now. I looked him straight in the eye and said, “I would be happy to teach 1 class, 2 days a week, but I am not coming in to the office.” Not sure where my cajones came from, but I think my family time is VERY important and I am on a 10 month contract, with summers off. The best part HE WAS TOTALLY FINE WITH IT! And I am freaking excited…what it seems like is an answer to my decision to not pursue that faculty counseling position because of my desire to teach more and BAM three days later I was asked to teach this summer. Booyah! Two days a week, for a total of about 6 hours in class teaching (and a few hours grading papers), which will allow Potamus to be out of the house at daycare, keeping a rhythm going!) and I will get to wear big-girl-pants and shower and have a reason to wake up before noon everyday. Perfect! And, with the other FIVE days spent as a stay-at-home mama, I think it’ll be a good match!

Shadows

Potamus is now standing independently on his own…and he’s obsessed with bear crawling into the middle of the room, standing up, and then raising his hands in a victory/touchdown stance. I love how proud he is of himself. Though, at 14 months, he is starting to look silly without any teeth!

Crazy Uncle

Uncle Silly came to town yesterday because of a miscommunication. He’s babysitting next Friday for us so that we can go to a wedding, but he thought it was last night. No love lost, though, we hung out, I bought him some yummy dinner at our favorite brew-pub, and Potamus was in high heaven. Seriously. That kid isn’t going to even notice that we’re gone next Friday, as he was obsessed with playing ball and clapping and showing Uncle Silly all of his toys. Love it. Uncles are the best. And heart to hearts with my brother are awesome, too. I love that we’re both parents and have this way of relating that is just so much more natural than when we were kids.

It was a good week.

But, the highlight of my week was, by far, the two hour nap I blissfully took yesterday. It was my second nap since maternity leave (my first nap was last weekend after the 5k). It was that blissful time when I was lost in dreamland and woke up in sleepy hazy sunshiney goodness and was so soulfully restored that Potamus crying later that night didn’t even bother me. There’s just something amazing about getting a little extra sleep!