On being labelled “Nice” by my students

This is what a “nice” teacher looks like…

I have a sharp tongue and a flippant attitude most of the time. A student pops off in class and I give them shit right back, which works well with this population of students. They enjoy sarcasm, jokes, irreverancy. My crisis-counseling and work with other “at-risk” students has prepared me well for the ‘hard knocks’ aspect of teaching these students, and my undergraduate and graduate schooling has taught me well about how to teach the curriculuum in a way that they’ll understand. I often stand in front of my class and feel like a total badass. I’m teaching the students that others are afraid of…we have instructurs here on campus that hear the name of our program and shudder. I mean, there’s some truth in it (one student had been locked in the state penetentiary for 5 years…he’s only 20…I don’t even want to know what got him there), but I am not afraid to get to know them, to teach them life skills and see them grow into the students I know they can be.

So yesterday, and actually a few times in the last few weeks, I’ve been thrown for a loop…my psyche rocked by, what I think they mean as a compliment, as they say: “but you’re so nice.”

Nice.

Apparently a large portion of my students think that I’m a nice teacher.

That rocks my world because I was schooled in the “don’t smile until Christmas” form of teaching that is highlighted in the article Some Terrible Advice I got in College that was freshly pressed this week. But seriously, I was given many of those same lessons, so I find myself shocked when my iron fist is really a smile and my students are actually doing their work (reasonably).

So…why do I balk at this description of me? Is it because of what I was taught about being a tough teacher? Is it because I’m a strong woman and being labelled “nice” makes me think of being weak. Or is it because the running commentary in my head that rarely makes it past my lips is…not-so-nice? Or is it because I often feel frustrated and grumpy in my “real life” and think to myself, “if you only knew, kid, if you only knew”?

Maybe I’m harder on myself than others are on me. Or maybe I’ve internalized this idea that I’m not very nice from my childhood, where I was often punished for whining and wanting things my way (yes, I was a bossypants). Maybe it’s like the time I told someone I was “built like a man,” (because I’m 6’1) and she replied “um, you don’t look like  man at all, you’re pretty and have curves).” So if there’s a body dismorphic disorder equivalent, would it be personality dysmorphic disorder, where one doesn’t have a good understanding of their own personality and how people view them?

Also, do I want to be a nice teacher? Can I be nice AND tough?

How have you dealt with student labels or feedback that doesn’t fit your self-concept?

Blurts, Flirts and Desserts

Blurts: I have two types of “disruptive” students. The blurters tend to be well-meaning. They have something that comes to mind and they say it, without much thinking about the context of whether their comment is appropriate (during lecture) or inappropriate (during a shy person’s oral report). And blurting doesn’t just happen with their mouth…I have several students who also blurt with their bodies. They get up, mill around, pick up their guitar and begin strumming a little tune. For the most part, I recognize that learning styles come in all types, and that students, especially teenage boys, can’t be cooped up in their seat for too long. Though, this Tourettes like activity is often distracting for my more introverted students, and still needs to be appropriate. I appreciate that my students feel free to express themselves, but yelling “Fire” in a crowded theater is dangerous AND annoying. So, how can I help my word-vomit and body-blurters have a little more…self-control?

Flirts: Mah baby likes to flirt, that is, when he’s not feeling stranger danger. He definitely doesn’t discriminate based on gender, either. He equally gives doe eyes to the men AND the ladies. Though he doesn’t seem to be a huge fan of Trader Joe’s or Costco cashiers talking to him while he sits in his seat in the cart. But he saves his special flirts for his mama. And I’ve been enjoying those open mouth laughing kisses he gives on my cheeks!

Desserts: After almost 1.5 years in our house, we officially met our next door neighbor. She was helping her sister move, and brought a few leftover treats by. Yay for lemon bars and raspberry/oatmeal bars! It was nice to have an actual name to the “hi howareya?” that I’ve thrown across the fence or in passing to her husband while we have tried to round up our escaped pooch. I’m thinking of reciprocating the desserts with a sweet bottle of wine and thank-you card, but have yet to muster the energy to walk across our tiny lawn to give it to them. Because this is Seattle, I do not feel weird that my neighbor waited 1.5 years to meet me…I’m just glad she stopped by at all. Because, while we are known to be surfacely friendly (saying ‘hi’ and nodding on the street), to actually go out of our way is a pretty huge deal!

Speaking of desserts, since beginning again in the world of offices, I have noticed a strange fascination with chocolate. While I have somehow eaten my own packed lunch for the past 6 weeks, I have also begun drinking more coffee (an excuse to get out of the office) and eating more chocolate during lunchtime. Gah!

Sweet dreams ya’ll!

WHY DO PEOPLE HOMESCHOOL?!

In theory I respect the right for individual families to make educational choices for their children. I have both friends and family members that have chosen to home-school at one point or another, or have been home-schooled, and with the variety have had varying levels of success.

In practicality, though, my educator brain doesn’t really like the idea or the overall practice of homeschooling…especially past elementary school. Perhaps I only focus on the negatives, but from my experience, many of the parents I have seen, sacrifice things that public/private education could have offered in an attempt to gain something (not sure what, exactly, but I am sure they have a reason in their mind), that doesn’t actually seem to work. An example, is my aunt pulling her daughters out to home-school, after her youngest was being forced to complete assignments and stay in from recess to do so. My aunt felt the teacher wasn’t being fair (which could be legit) and that my cousin was being teased (also a legit reason to look at the education). But instead of sending her to a different school or get her evaluated for an IEP (needed for both mental and physical reasons), she chooses to home-school her. What began as a legit reason to re-evaluate, has turned into 4 years of home-schooling by a depressed divorcee mom with only a high school education. My cousin is behind in grade level (assessed by my mom who is a reading specialist), and has social skills of a 4 year old (at 12). When we have family functions even the little kids tease her because she is so…weird…which simply perpetuates a pattern of teasing/low-self-esteem that as a mental health professional, I am concerned about in the future. In contrast, though, is my dad’s cousin, who raised 6 kids on a farm, is a college educated elementary teacher who home-schooled her kids through middle school and then sent them to public high school. While socially awkward in ways, the kids have gone to college and found boyfriends and gotten jobs. All things I am concerned about for my other cousin.
What brings this subject up in my mind, is the frustrating day I had on Thursday with my predominately home-schooled morning class. Many of the students are willing to learn and do the work that I require of them (which isn’t much, as far as college goes), and reasonably beginning to make friends and think critically…there are a handful of students who both are socially awkward with their peers AND with me, which can be worked through, but their intellectually arrogant attitude isn’t based in actual performance and I can’t help to think has been instilled in them by equally arrogant parents who thought that they were so smart that they could teach their children everything, including all the high school subjects. Nobody I know is THAT smart, which is why high school has different subject teachers. I am just baffled that one person could think they could substitute for a hundred professional people with experience and education in the teaching field.

I would feel less upset by this if it didn’t set the students up for such failure in life and higher education. This one student, who rolls his eyes and grumbles with every assignment is probably smart, but when he writes, he writes at about a 4th grade level. His friend was helping him formulate his paper into a paragraph! I could understand if this kid was so brilliant that he was oodles and oodles ahead of his classmates, and therefore was lacking in social skills, but he seems to have a deficit in BOTH social skills AND reading/writing comprehension. I think his bad attitude masks the fact that he really just doesn’t know what he’s doing…which I could see how he might have slid through in a public school, seen as defiant, but he was being home-schooled! His parents should have realized that he cannot perform at grade level! Right?! And the defiant attitude toward me, as a professional educator, just doesn’t seem to jibe with the whole ‘respect’ because they are Christian, thing, ya know?

And then I begin to question these parents’ motivations. I know they are conservative Christians, but did the sacrifice of having him not be around “worldly” things really help him get the best start in life? I am very biased about this, having grown up very conservatively, without being allowed to watch tv/movies, and wear those long dresses, and go to church every week, but my parents always valued public education. And Boof and I have talked about the state of the education system, and how it doesn’t always meet a child’s needs, but I think home-schooling as their whole education is just the wrong way to go about it.

So, what are your thoughts on education…public/private/home-school? Is there a place for home-schooling?  A time where home-schooling is actually selfish? Thoughts on how I can reach these students who are failing?