Summer Series First Third: Adventure

a little boy + miles of ocean and sand

Today marks the beginning of the 2nd third of my summer vacation sabbatical. A little swell of panic rises up in my throat when I think that it’s one third over, but then I give a little sigh because that means 2/3’s is left! It got me thinking, though, about breaking the summer up in thirds, rather than trying to make the summer into ONE BIG THING. Case and point, the first third of the summer was full of: ADVENTURE!

Not that the next third, or the third after that, won’t be full of adventure, but I noticed that my desire right after school got out was to PLAY! We took two vacations to the beach, which meant a lot of travel, a lot of routines being broken, and a lot of coffee. It was lovely and exhausting all at the same time. The tag-line “makin’ memories’ sticks with me from a conversation I had with my mom while sitting on a driftwood bench.

Even just writing about this summer’s thirds reminds me of a book group my mother-in-law went to, which broke life up into rough thirds. I guess because they were retirement age they were in their third third? But, I think, with the birth of Potamus our life switched from the first third ADVENTURE, to this new phase of figuring out and settling down and beginning to establish a tentative routine with some tentative stability. I mean, I’m hardly running off to India for a 6 month solo trip anymore. So I wonder, maybe if the 2nd third of the summer won’t be like that a little bit? I’ve noticed, even in this past week, now that daycare is back in swing and I’m starting yoga, that we’re getting into a comfortable (albeit slightly boring at times) routine with a nice ebb and flow. So maybe this 2nd third will be called ROUTINE, or RESTING, or HEALING? I won’t know how to really categorize it until it’s over, I suppose…

So, what would you title your summer so far?

Summertime SAHM

I tried to cheer myself up today by taking a walk around the neighborhood. We got half a mile before it started to sprinkle and we headed back inside. Rather than use the stroller, which Potamus rejects most often (and when he DOES ride in it, he often falls asleep and we’re not wanting that too early!). Instead, we did a little bout of toddler-wearing, which stopped a car with some lovely ladies who wanted to chat and admire my child and a-hole dog. I guess the site of a 6’1 mama carrying a large toddler is more reserved for the pages of National Geographic, but at any rate ,the walk was to get my mind off the day’s activities.

Because, today was the last day of class. My students did their final presentations and we had some yummy food and handed out certificates. It was lovely and just right, and then, when everyone left, my boss told me that the funding for the summer program isn’t happening, and so I don’t get to teach the 2 days a week that I had been asked to, a few weeks ago.

I’m super bummed.

Teaching two days a week would have been the perfect opportunity to get out of the house, keep working, and have Potamus keep a daycare routine…and one that’s not too out of my way, since I’d already be commuting that distance to work. Not having a job means $5,000 less over the summer and no real need to keep him in daycare, except my desire for him to have routine and for me to not be at home every-single-day with him.

So, my options are to spend the $ and keep him in daycare and spend those 2 days a week doing random non-mom things, or doing housework or whatever. Or send him to daycare and try to get another super part-time job. Or… be a full-time summertime stay-at-home-mom.

What’s hard about this decision, and one I’m not making overnight (because, fingers crossed the funding might get approved and I’d be able to teach the class…or find another on-campus class to teach), is that I had been excited about being a full time summertime stay at home mom (though I did still want him to go to daycare) . And then I was offered the job and realized that that was what I really wanted to do. So to have that taken away from me…I had gotten my hopes up and disappointment isn’t something I really like to deal with. And not just disappointment, but the though to of having to re-identify myself internally during the summer months to embrace a full-time with toddler routine.

Sigh.

The walk was lovely, though. I know it’s not the worst case scenario, but it was still pretty bum-tastic.

 

How do you deal with disappointment? How do you deal with changing roles or identities in parenting?