Just which 1,000 words for that picture?

A picture’s worth a thousand words, but do those words reflect the actual moment, the moment in my head, the moment right before or the moment right after?

The photo above is of a sleeping Potamus, on my chest, and might make the warm and fuzzy feeling go off. The words used might be: calm, quiet, sleep, rest, nap, love, maternal or something of the like. In fact, I’d ask…what words would YOU attribute to the picture above?

 

Because the thousand words that really describe the picture are:

Potamus was up at 5am because of that fucking daylight savings time off and probably growing or teething because damnit he still doesn’t have any teeth.

It’s the result of a long day of work for mama and play for baby, despite the plea by mama to grandma that “he really needs to nap well today, he’s been up at 5am.”

And that warning/plea went unheaded and sweet bouncing grandson sent home to collapse in an exhausted heap on mama’s chest for two hours at the time we eat dinner and thus mama is left with a baby up two or more hours past bedtime…alone. Though those are the words that will happen after this photo is taken.

The grumbly grumbly stream-of-consciousness in mama’s head as she sits with sleeping babe and fumes about Boof’s attendance at a local soccer match that will go well into the evening and the thought “why can’t he get his mom to get our kid to take a nap?”

The beer + animal crackers for dinner (for mama) and the goldfish crackers and yogurt for dinner for Potamus, because after waking from a dinnertime nap the whole world is turned upside down.

The thirty minutes of hare krishna/hare rama chanting to get Potamus to calm his crying down, only to have him wide awake full of bouncy energy until 9:15pm, and the feeling of bags growing exponentially under my already tired eyes.

The words would describe an exhaustion that doesn’t go away with sleep, least not from sleep full of fitful dreams of worry about students and the state of the world and weather I’ve caused complete world fucked-upness by my continual indulgence in dairy. Can I even say I’m sort of dairy free if I’ve been eating pizza and tortellini and pizza (did I mention pizza already) like it’s going out of style.

 

No. That picture doesn’t conjure up any of those words.

 

But, I think, when I shut my eyes for that briefest of brief moments, I did feel rest and love and maternal.

I guess I’ll sleep when I’m dead

Goldfish

It’s been a rough few days of little sleep and LOTS of whining (from both mama and son). And so, today, on my day off, I figured that I would let the house go a bit, and rest while Potamus rests. I haven’t done that since maternity leave, and by God I deserve a mid-day sleep.

But karma had other plans.

I had nestled into our comfy (and empty) king-sized bed. I had let my mind wander, and get drowsy, and didn’t pick up my cell phone at all. I got up to pee once (or three times, whatever), but felt relaxed and hopeful, for at least an hour long nap. But then, I heard crying. I tried to ignore it. The whimpering got louder. I prayed he would go back to sleep, that it was just some rustlings on his way back to dreamland. Alas, after ten minutes I realized he meant business. I had let my guard down, had almost been asleep, and now, wide awake with a messy house and a fussy toddler.

At daycare Potamus naps from 11-1, sometimes 1:30. With grandma, yesterday, he napped from 8-9:30 and from 2-4:30. Today, for me, he napped from 11-12.

I feel like crying.

And, to top it all off, all he will eat is graham and fishy crackers.

Wrist Rolls

you'd never know this kiddo was having trouble sleeping last night!

you’d never know this kiddo was having trouble sleeping last night!

I’m pretty sure Potamus is about to hit a growth spurt, since he’s eating aproximately every 1.4 seconds at night, and his wrists have begun filling out into little Pillsbury Doughboy puffs. He might be teething, though, too, since he chews on everything and is drooling and cranky…though 13 months strong without a single tooth, I’m beginning to believe that he’s going to be teased in junior-high for being the toothless wonder!

Thank God Boof hasn’t started work yet (that’s Wednesday) because last night was ROUGH on the sleep end. Potamus went down at his normal 7pm, but then was up at 9 something, then back asleep and up at 11, where he ate a full yogurt (after nursing) and was down for another hour. Then he wouldn’t sleep except for being held from 12-3, where Boof dosed with him on the couch. Then he slept with me for an hour, but needed to be nursed three times from 4-6 this morning. He was restless all night, constantly reaching out for me and tossing and turning in his sleep. I don’t mind the reaching for me, but his hands running all over my face for an hour is not conducive to sleep. And neither was the pinchy stomach pains from my new eating habits. I’m jealous that Boof got to go back to sleep after we left for work/daycare.

And then I drop Potamus off with the daycare and…NO TEARS. Holy Bejeesus, this kid has adjusted, at least for today, and despite the lack of sleep, it was worth it to see him go to his new teacher without any fuss. My baby is growing up so fast!