Zen Pen Invitation

Last year I had the privilege of meeting in the home of Courtney Putnam, my wonderful massage therapist/reiki practitioner. Not only is she an amazing, healing, bodyworker (is that even a word?), but she is also an amazing artist and writer (and blogger!). All last summer she hosted a weekly “Zen Pen” group, where we met and wrote together. She has this amazing way of guiding, creating prompts, and giving opportunity for writers to get outside of their ‘head’ and write from their body. She says:

What’s different about ZenPen is that it is body-based. What that means is that during the writing process, we will tap into the wisdom of our bodies. Our minds can only get us so far — and sometimes our minds play tricks on us or lead us down roads of self-criticism or limitation. The body holds all the information, wisdom, and experiences we’ve had in our lives. It plays no tricks. It tells us the truth.

And this year Zen Pen is being offered as an e-course! I am excited to being (August 5th) her 6 week series, and am planning on sharing, here, some of the body writing that I create. But, since I love you all dearly, I am inviting you to participate as well! For only $59 for the 6 week Zen Pen E-Course, how could you resist? So, if you’ve been looking for some inspiration in your writing process, and want to get away from that critical voice, then join me in ushering in the fall with a little Zen Pen! Head on over to the e-course description to get a better understanding of what is being offered!!

I have to be honest, I’m both excited and nervous about the discoveries I’ll have in this 6 week course. Last summer I learned so much about myself, my hopes, dreams, and really solidified some truths that I hadn’t been able to grasp with my anxious mind. Can’t wait to start, and hopefully see a bunch of YOU all over on the secret FB group or here in blog-land 🙂

Baby Reiki

Something wonderful happened after our last crying filled reiki session. While lying on the table with Potamus, as he cycled from being relaxed and alert to fussy to full blown screaming and finally to calm rest. I have been seeing Courtney for four years and know that it is a safe place for whatever emotion that comes up, but I noticed that my thought patterns went toward anxiety, embarassment, guilt and frustration during those crying moments. I tried to breathe through them and tell myself “he is a baby, it is okay for him to cry,” but the other voice in my head kept saying, “you’re annoying her, you shouldn’t have come today, this is a waste of money, why can’t he be calm he was so peaceful last time?!”

Since I only had a few moments of incredible depression filled rage, it’s hard for me to remember that I AM still suffering from postpartum depression, and that it is the medication (and reiki) that is allowing me to be in a place where those negative thoughts are not taken as the absolute and automatic truth. I was able to breathe and process with Courtney the anxiety in my heart about wanting to calm the Potamus down and feeling completely helpless to figure out what exactly he needed.

But the shift that happened after that session has been life-changing (or perhaps, on a smaller scale, week-changing). Potamus has had moments-to-hours of fussiness, and I have noticed a difference in my heart and mind during these times where I want to scream ‘tell me what you need! i don’t know what to do!” I have noticed myself slowing down, breathing, not beating myself up about being a horrible mom who doesn’t know what her kid needs, and realizing that I have already experienced an “embarassing” moment where he cried and I couldn’t do anything about it, and we both made it through just fine (and still bonded).

This shift has rippled out into other areas of my relationship with Potamus, as I have begun to enjoy the sudden shift to him latching perfectly and not needing the nipple shield, to late night feedings because he is growing again, to experiencing his first pacifier and first bottle moments. When I went to our session today, she asked me how the evenings have been going (since that was my initial crazy anxiety/depression time) and in looking back over the past two weeks I was amazed…night times are actually becoming my favorite time with Potamus. We’re sleepy and it’s dark and warm and snuggly. He nurses and then we both fall back into dreamland…him in his co-sleeper and me right next to him in the bed. These moments of sweetness are the result of these reiki moments, where I asked to recieve what I needed most, and while it wasn’t what I asked for verbally, it clearly was what I needed on a different level.

If you haven’t had a chance to experience a reiki session, I highly recommend it!

Little Red Squirrel

This is not how Baby Boof looked at our last reiki session. Fortunately, Courtney is lovely and not disturbed by his hollering, and I found myself loving the moment of learning to breathe, in a safe space, through the crying, processing with her the feelings that come up inside of me when I can’t figure out how to help him go to sleep peacefully or get comfortable.

I’m getting to learn how to embrace the present moment without judging it or comparing it to other moments. I could easily have gotten embarassed by his crying this last session because our first session was so swaddled in peace. She sensed that his hips were bothering him, not acutely, but that he was, indeed, growing. And at the end of the session she gave him an animal card reading, and she landed on the Red Squirrel, as the one with a message for him. How appropriate, since it was all about storing up food and preserving energy. I had to laugh since that’s exactly what he’s been doing lately (eating every hour for 8-10 hours at a time), which is hard on my body, but I know he’s going to shoot up soon.

At the end of the session I felt incredibly relaxed and ready to face the rest of the day, which was surprising since I had just spent the better part of an hour with a crying baby!