I want to kiss our pediatrician

 

This summer has been ROUGH in the sleep department. Partly the sunshine streaming in the window until well past 9pm, partly an attachment toddler who wants his mama thisclose to him all.the.time when he’s sleeping, has led to a spiral of sleep deprivation that was just not working anymore. Potamus needed a good 2.5-3 hours of me laying in his bed with him before he would fall asleep. We’d start bedtime routine around 7, and it’d be close to 10 every.damn.night before he’d fall asleep. We tried mixing it up, doing really active things before bedtime routine started (running, wrestling, playing hard). We tried quiet activities before bedtime routine (reading stories, turning off all electronics, warm showers). NOTHING worked. Not only did it take that long to fall asleep, he’d only stay asleep about 1-2 hours at most, and then want Mama. Which meant, in my exhaustion, he was coming into bed with me before I had really even gotten any sleep for the night. 

Now, I’m not opposed to co-sleeping…when it’s working. But his restlessness would continue, even after he was snuggled in bed with me. He’d kick his legs and twiddle my neck, digging his fingernails into my chin…all night long. I would wake up crabby and exhausted and frustrated that it wasn’t going well. 

So I made an appointment with our pediatrician. I thought maybe it was growing pains? Or after a quick google search I saw things like Restless Leg Syndrome, or iron deficiency, or all sorts of other ailments. But I love our pediatrician and figured he’d be able to help. 

His diagnosis: poor sleep hygiene. 

What I love about this guy, is that he has a way of saying things in the kindest, gentlest way, while also sharing about his life. He said that the only way to get Potamus to sleep differently was going to be making the behaviors go extinct, which means, not reinforcing them, which means…not laying next to him for 3 hours to get to sleep. But then he told me that it’s not something I HAVE to do, but told me how to do it, if I wanted to do it, in a way that I would feel good about. And then he divulged that his family co-sleeps, and his son is almost 10 and ‘really small and immature for his size, and he comes into our bed every night to snuggle. he just needs to sleep next to a human being for awhile to feel safe.’ 

Yeah,  my pediatrician co-sleeps his older elementary school age son. So he’s not just telling me to leave a 3 week old in a crib to cry it out. I felt hopeful. He said it’d be hard, but it’d work. 

And so that’s what were doing. We read stories, and snuggle, and I give unlimited hugs. I’m still in his bed until he falls asleep, but I’m no longer laying next to him. And until 2am (ideally around 5 would be best), if he wakes up crying, I go in there and snuggle him, and put him back in his bed, and wait until he falls asleep. The first two nights were brutal. It took him awhile to fall asleep, and then he was restless for a good hour in the middle of the night (aka midnight). He’d fall asleep, but as soon as I’d creep out he’d wake back up. He’d want 4 more hugs and then he’d go back to sleep. 

My goal is not to eliminate co-sleeping for good, just alter it a bit so we’re all getting sleep. Because work starts back for me in 2 weeks, and he can’t be going to bed at 10pm and getting up at 6. He’ll be a crabby zombie. 

We’re at 4 nights this week, and last night he fell asleep ‘on his own’ (with me there) relatively easily. And at midnight he woke up crying, but in the time it took me to pee, he had soothed himself back asleep. I went in there and checked on him…zonked out. He came into our bed around 3am. Already he’s getting more sleep in a row than before, AND when he does sleep next to me there is snuggling, but no twiddling, kicking, tossing and turning. He reaches out to touch me, then curls into himself and passes out. Exactly what I hoped for in our sleep relationship. I like having his little warm body next to mine, but I also like sleep. 

I’m so thankful that I have a compassionate pediatrician who listens to my life and helps create a plan for making it fit into our lifestyle. I feel like I’m able to do a modified ‘cry it out’ (without any crying?) that suits my attachment parenting needs, without going to an extreme that doesn’t feel congruent with my values as a mom. 

So here’s to a few more hours of blissful sleep…for all of us. 🙂

 

12 month stats.

The Potamus weighs in at a whopping 21lbs, putting him in something like the 25th percentile for weight. Doc said its cause our stubborn little champ refuses any liquids (which is also contributing to being backed up). He has grown 4 inches since last time, which puts him at 30 inches tall, which seems long, but is only the 55th percentile. No medical worries and the little guy took his shots like a champ. Fingers crossed we won’t have to see our doc again until the 18 month check!

Melancholy Monday

When I was in my younger twenties, I had less of an understanding of my issues of anxiety/OCD/depression and how it related to my career. Initially the anxiety pushed me to excel, be early all the time, but then there was a certain crash, where I felt unable to control myself. My early-to-work anxiety left me sitting in my car, weeping, writing in my journal, and listening to music, all in an effort to muster the strength to actually go to work. This pattern of thoughts/feelings ruling my actions actually became debilitating for awhile. I remember calling in sick from anxiety one day, and then sick again and again and again for four whole days because all I could muster was to putz around the house. It’s led to passive-aggressive sneaking around behavior at work, lying to my supervisor and generally acting like how I would imagine a young child would act when they are trying to get around their parents’ rules.

But I’ve come a long way since then. When I’m on medication, that has helped. I’ve done more introspection and understanding of myself and emotions and on days, like today, where melancholy rules, I still force myself to get out of bed, drive across the I-90 bridge in the not-quite-yet-sunrise, and walk into work. That’s where I am today, beginning my workday, with my emotions feeling raw and tender for no discernable reason (though leaving Potamus snuggled up with daddy certainly feels like that could be a starting point.)

I know that once I get in the swing of things this morning I will be okay, but for the moment, I cannot seem to shake the blues.

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In other news, Potamus is a healthy 20lbs and 27 inches long…which initially concerned me because he hasn’t gained weight since his last apt (well, it has actually felt like he gained weight, and then lost it), but the pediatrician said it was totally normal and he is height/weight proportionate and that all his moving around has caused the slimming down. When asked about his reverse cycling, the pediatrician laughed and said that he was “sorry” for me, but that the baby is getting what he needs and is totally healthy. He was also very proud of my husband’s efforts to get breastmilk into Potamus in creative methods, like mixing with yogurt or using a clean Coke can, etc. What I found to be most fun, though, was that he is a dad of 4 and was totally pro co-sleeping. It was actually his suggestion for us, since Potamus doesn’t sleep longer than 2 hours at night, even telling Boof that he and his wife co-slept/bed-shared with their 4 kids. Awesome! Not many pediatricians would be so honest, especially since it is discouraged by the APA!

Lactation Consultant….Formula Consultant?

Potamus has had formula 1 time, in the pediatrician’s office when he was less than 2 weeks old. The doctor was concerned that he wasn’t quite up to birth weight yet and was showing us how to do a supplemental feeding tube system just in case we needed it. He proceeded to feed my child formula in about 12.5 seconds without even asking our permission. I was more in shock than anything in the moment, and it all happened so quickly I couldn’t even find words to say, ‘um, please don’t do that.” He’s a father of 4 and all of them were breastfed, and as he was giving my baby formula he stated, “formula can be really helpful, it’s not poison like so many think.”

I don’t think formula is poison. But, I would like to choose whether I give my baby formula. When I was struggling early on, and seeing a lactation consultant, I contemplated just making the switch for both physical and emotional reasons. But I persevered and 9 months later we’re still exclusively breastfeeding. Though that might change in 1 week when I am away from him for 10 hours a day for 4 days a week… we will see. I’m not morally opposed to the whole idea, but if I DO use formula, I would like to be as informed as possible.

So I was intrigued when I came across this article on Huffington Post about the idea of Formula Consultants. While in many ways I agree that hospitals shouldn’t peddle formula, the idea of a consultant, like a nutritionist, that could explain what all the different types of formula are, would be SO HELPFUL! I know that I got aproximately 765 samples of formula before Potamus was born. When I was thinking about switching, I initially grabbed the orange can of Similac because it stated it was for sensitive tummies. I was HORRIFIED when I saw that the FIRST ingredient was CORN SYRUP. Jesus Christ, was the formula actually “better” for baby’s tummies, or was it that the sugar simply numbed the pain much like sugar water did for Potamus’s circumcision? I couldn’t believe it. While I knew that sugar was in formula, it being the first ingredient was horrifying, shocking, revolting.

But how many exhausted mamas grab something labeled sensitive thinking that it is the best choice for them, without knowing all the facts? Sure you can call up Gerber or Similac and get info on formula, but it’s not unbiased…so maybe the idea of a formula consultant is a good one…for those who can’t breastfeed or for those who choose to.

What do you think?