Both Sides Now- Joni Mitchell is a birthmother

Sometimes my emotions run so deep that words, written, or said verbally, cannot even begin to touch the depth. And in those moments I turn to music, and have been known to listen to the same song (or set of songs) again-and again-and again, until something changes or I cannot cry anymore.

I can’t write more about it. My heart is hurting too much, so I’m sharing my go-to song to express the depth of emotions that I am feeling at the news of a sweet 4 year old being ripped from her tribe, her daddy, her sister and extended family, and thrust into the confusing world of being raised by genetic strangers with a reality that doesn’t match the reality that you know in your heart.

This is a song I grew up with. My dad sang it to me as a little girl, because I loved the imagery of bows and flows of angels hair. I listened to it a thousand times before I knew that Joni Mitchell was a birthmother in reunion with her daughter. And while we may dicker about whether it was really written with adoption or reunion in mind, I’ll say that it cuts to my very soul and makes me feel the complexity of life and confusion seeing the world from the perspective of innocence, and the eyes of the ‘old soul’ who has witnessed far too much in such a short amount of time.

And so, this song is for Veronica.

Both Sides Now
-Joni Mitchell

Bows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
I’ve looked at clouds that wayBut now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my wayI’ve looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It’s cloud illusions I recall
I really don’t know clouds at all

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real
I’ve looked at love that way

But now it’s just another show
You leave ’em laughing when you go
And if you care, don’t let them know
Don’t give yourself away

I’ve looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It’s love’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say “I love you” right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I’ve looked at life that way

Oh but now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I’ve changed
Well something’s lost but something’s gained
In living every day

I’ve looked at life from both sides now
From WIN and LOSE and still somehow
It’s life’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know life at all

I’ve looked at life from both sides now
From up and down and still somehow
It’s life’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know life at all

What music can you listen to repeatedly? Any mood music (sad/happy/angry/depressed) that is your go to? 

Please Sign this Petition

Dear Readers,

Please sign this petition:

“Baby Girl” Veronica Brown is a three year old Cherokee child who has lived with her biological Cherokee father Dusten Brown and his family for 19 months in Oklahoma. Matt and Melanie Capobianco from South Carolina are trying to adopt and a remove Baby Girl from a loving and safe Native American family. The South Carolina Supreme Court has granted the adoption without due process or a hearing to determine what is in her best interest. She will be removed from a fit Native parent, a loving Native family and Native community in which she has thrived. Dusten Brown has been denied a fair hearing. This is an example of destruction of tribes and against the Indian Child Welfare Act.

I have been following this case closely, and am appalled by what has been happening. When I am less emotional I want to write more about this case, but for now, I implore you to sign the petition to keep the sanctity of the ICWA and allow Veronica Brown to remain living with her biological dad, sisters, stepmom, grandparents and connected to her Cherokee roots. As an adoptee I am shocked and angered by the vicious attacks on the character of the biological father, the blatant disregard for ethics and what is really in the ‘best interest’ of this child. It has become a game where money=power and adoptive couples with money are bullying the system in order to raise a child who does not need a new home.

 

 

 

 

Heat waves lead to hot tempers — and here’s why – TODAY.com

Remember when I, somewhat tongue in cheek, mentioned Seattle’s heat wave being correlated with divorce rates? Well, I happened across this article a few days later: Heat Waves Lead to Hot Tempers: Here’s Why, with it stating things like:

And as the temperature gets hotter — so do our tempers. Summer heat waves make us act like cranky, whiny toddlers, experts say, and studies have even shown that as the degrees tick up, so do crime rates.

Well, crime rates in this family, in the form of yelling at my sweet toddler, have certainly increased. Husband-wife contention have also increased, too, but, this explains it:

An increase in body temperature causes an increase in physical arousal – your heart rate goes up and your blood pressure rises as your poor body tries to cool itself off, explains Dr. Jeff Borenstein, president of the Brain and Behavior Research Foundation in Great Neck, N.Y. And that can be bad news for your behavior, because increased physical arousal is known to be linked to aggressive behavior.

Ugh. So aggression has an uptick in the summer months, but that is NO excuse for yelling at my kid, or cursing out my husband, right? Riiiigghht? The study also mentions dehydration and the increase in iced coffee and how that effects anxiety.  I guess I’m totally guilty of that, drinking caffeine to help with my sleep deprivation, but it’s increasing my anxiety. Sigh. What a cycle I get caught in!