Thanksgiving Re-Cap

My mini-meltdown ended after 45 minutes of sitting in the idling car listening to Macklemore’s The Heist cd on repeat. And angry blogging. Once I identified that I had felt disrespected, I was able to articulate it to my family, and things blew over. My problem is having a hard time identifying my emotions and switch right to raging bitch pissed, rather than calmly being able to articulate what’s really going on. Like I felt disrespected that I was the only one doing parenting duties and everyone else was acting 12, shouting at football games and barking orders.

The rest of our visit was relatively calm, though sleeping on a 167 year old double mattress with egg crate for ‘support’ was less than ideal. Especially with a squirrelly nursling who would pop up, even in the middle of the night, to assess his surroundings. On Friday night we took my dad out for his 60th birthday, and had some yummy Italian food that didn’t sit well with me, but at least we didn’t have any major arguments. And Potamus enjoyed feeding carrots to the horses was scared of the horses, but was obsessed with going out in the pasture with us anyway. Also, hearing him say “football” is adorable, though it sounds a hell of a lot more like ‘butt ball” which makes me laugh, every time.

We’re home now, and trying to recover from being out of my comfort zone for two days (and trying desperately not to think of the return trip in three weeks for ‘Christmas.’ Eek!).

60th birthday dinner for grandpa!

Me & Little Man

he’s really loving the horses (not)

stripes & grass

out for a brisk walk with grammy

feeding the horses some carrots

 

Parenting and Identity Sweet Spot

I’ve had a really good week. My sleep has been adequate (never quite enough, but just enough to stave off the crankies), I got to visit with some friends and my sister this past week, Potamus is mostly over his snotty-nosed cold, and I  fit back into a pair of pre-baby pants. Whoa, doing well all around.

This is what I call a ‘sweet spot.’ Where everything just seems to be going well. Well enough that I fantasize about adding another baby into the mix, or starting up a counseling practice on the side, or doing something else entirely crazy like going on a road trip. I dunno, sometimes I live with anxiety and stress so much that I crave it, and so the sweet spots pass quite quickly because I drum up some sort of drama to keep my monkey mind entertained.

These sweet spots sometime seem so few and far between. Oasis in the midst of desert travelling. Maybe they’d stick around longer if I didn’t pass through them so quickly, trying to get to the next desert. I don’t let myself enjoy the here & now for fear that it is going to leave so quickly. Or I try to hold too tightly to the sweetness and end up squeezing the life out of it ala Lennie in Of Mice and Men.

So today, on my Veteran’s Day holiday, I tried to enjoy the sweet spot. I dropped Potamus off at daycare and drove back home, trying not to feel guilty about my day off. I watched TV and puttered. I took a nap. And when I awoke from my nap, I took another nap. And it was glorious. I feel recharged and ready for my Monday night therapy. I’ll try to just enjoy this moment, because Lord knows it’ll pass quick enough…

 

Holiday Fallout

Who’s brilliant idea was it to take these lovely vacations that would mean missing daycare? Sigh. While my parents were the actual instigators (reserving the cabins without asking me, first), I figured that Potamus had a few vacation days (free week off from daycare without paying) to use up, so we might as well miss some days. He only goes on Monday/Wednesdays, so I figured it’d be no big deal, right?

Can I just tell you, that there is NOTHING that prepared me for the sadness of coming across my itty bitty boy standing in the middle of the playground with his friends, crying. Snot-nosed, bawling, with all these happy friendly other kids around. The ten days without daycare has left him, both days this week very sad, with the teachers saying “he cried most of the day.”

Break my heart in a million pieces why don’t you?

I mean, typically he’s happy when I go to pick him up, and only starts crying when he sees me. One teacher, who was subbing in (she used to work with him in the infant room), said “I’ve never seen him this sad all day since he first started.” Again, knife in the heart. Clearly the transition back to school is going to be harder after vacation than I thought…and I’m trying to just chalk it up to ‘lessons learned,’ but I feel so bad about him being separated from me for 8 hours…especially when I KNOW that I could actually be watching him…sigh…mama guilt…

Halloween Turtleneck

 

Ah yes, another rainy Halloween is going to be on the books for the great folks of Seattle. Tonight we will trick-or-treat all over the drizzly city, dodging puddles and collecting candy in pillowcases or banned plastic grocery bags. But one thing you will see a lot of: the Halloween Turtleneck.Even more pervasive than Steve Jobs’ daily staple, is the Halloween Turtleneck. It really should come standard with any costume sold in the greater Pacific Northwest. Not only is this Halloween Turtleneck fashionable (although I’m doubting they will come out with a ‘sexy turtleneck’ costume by next year), it is also extremely practical. Want to wear a costume but don’t want to have it covered by a North Face jacket, or worse, a plastic rain poncho? Turtleneck.

Even now, as an adult, I can’t begin to imagine deciding on a Halloween costume that coulnd’t be accessorized with the traditional turtleneck to make it warmer.  I wish I had pictures of all my costumes as a kid, but thinking back, I cannot recollect even one outfit that wasn’t accesorized with the Halloween Turtleneck. It was much better than always going as Paddington Bear, in his yellow rain slicker.

King, Princess, Baby Dragon