Finding Friendships as an Adult

Taking the boys to Caspar Babypants. Potamus is like 4 months old here…

For awhile I assumed that my ‘best years’ (as far as the ease of friendship-making) was behind me. College was this time, where I’d meet someone in a class, or at a coffee shop, or in an extra-curricular activity and BAM we’d be instant besties. We’d do things together day and night, since we had all the time in the world. And very many of these relationships are the ones that I still revisit, like Laura in Albuquerque and Ruth in Oregon. But as an adult, it’s been different…we have so very little time to meet people, and then even less time to hang out on a regular basis. So friendships form over longer periods of time, and with many, they drop off because of time constraints before ever making it to that bestie level, ya know?

A few years ago, probably 5 or so, I was introduced to Mari through my sister-in-law. They had gone to junior high youth group together. I was initially intimidated, because hello have you seen how gorgeous she is? And cool. We weren’t instantly friends, but as the years progressed, and we hung out more in the friend group, we realized how much we have in common (though at first glance it appears we have zero in common).

And then I had a kid.

Suddenly I was thrust into the world of motherhood, and working motherhood, something Mari was doing beautifully. And we hung out more and more. And then she had another kid, on Potamus’ birthday, and now we finish each other’s sentences. It’s to the text-the-same-thing-at-the-same-time level of strange connection. Boof jokes that I text her like I’m a teenage girl, and maybe that’s true, because it’s been a long time since I’ve had the in-person type connection with someone. A friend I can tell anything to, without fear of being judged. A friend to be vulnerable with in person, as I have other that are a phone call away.

Like last night, as I was crying into my red wine, she came by to cheer me up. And seeing her 4 year old and Potamus playing like friends, while we sat and commiserated on the couch, was the most touching moment ever. But it didn’t happen overnight. And it didn’t happen with someone expected. And that’s what making friendships as an adult is about. Putting in the time, pushing past insecurities and following through on making those plans that you want, even though you’re afraid to make.

And unlimited texting packages don’t hurt, either, especially if you have both have phone anxiety.

 

 

Sunshine Saturday

After anger freakout 2013, I had a really nice week, which ended with a secret day off (Thursday) and a coffee date with a friend and her 11 week old baby. I love hanging out with her because she has such similar experiences of post-partum depression and sometimes an inability to cope with her 3 year old’s tantrums, and she cusses like a sailor and isn’t afraid to drink a mimosa while nursing. We had so much fun on Thursday that we headed over to the Nordstrom Cafe on Friday for a lunch, and Potamus was well-behaved, and enjoyed his fun balloon! It’s nice to be around other moms who understand and I don’t have to feel like I need to have it all together.

The sun has been shining this week and it has been GLORIOUS! Boof and I just finished a 2.5 walk in the evening sunshine, re-connecting after a stressful week for both of us.

This week my boss asked me if I would work over the summer, teaching 2 days a week and being in the office 2 days a week, just like now. I looked him straight in the eye and said, “I would be happy to teach 1 class, 2 days a week, but I am not coming in to the office.” Not sure where my cajones came from, but I think my family time is VERY important and I am on a 10 month contract, with summers off. The best part HE WAS TOTALLY FINE WITH IT! And I am freaking excited…what it seems like is an answer to my decision to not pursue that faculty counseling position because of my desire to teach more and BAM three days later I was asked to teach this summer. Booyah! Two days a week, for a total of about 6 hours in class teaching (and a few hours grading papers), which will allow Potamus to be out of the house at daycare, keeping a rhythm going!) and I will get to wear big-girl-pants and shower and have a reason to wake up before noon everyday. Perfect! And, with the other FIVE days spent as a stay-at-home mama, I think it’ll be a good match!

Potamus is now standing independently on his own…and he’s obsessed with bear crawling into the middle of the room, standing up, and then raising his hands in a victory/touchdown stance. I love how proud he is of himself. Though, at 14 months, he is starting to look silly without any teeth!

Uncle Silly came to town yesterday because of a miscommunication. He’s babysitting next Friday for us so that we can go to a wedding, but he thought it was last night. No love lost, though, we hung out, I bought him some yummy dinner at our favorite brew-pub, and Potamus was in high heaven. Seriously. That kid isn’t going to even notice that we’re gone next Friday, as he was obsessed with playing ball and clapping and showing Uncle Silly all of his toys. Love it. Uncles are the best. And heart to hearts with my brother are awesome, too. I love that we’re both parents and have this way of relating that is just so much more natural than when we were kids.

It was a good week.

But, the highlight of my week was, by far, the two hour nap I blissfully took yesterday. It was my second nap since maternity leave (my first nap was last weekend after the 5k). It was that blissful time when I was lost in dreamland and woke up in sleepy hazy sunshiney goodness and was so soulfully restored that Potamus crying later that night didn’t even bother me. There’s just something amazing about getting a little extra sleep!