Fox News & a Flooded Bathroom

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My parents are visiting for a few days so that they can get their taxes done AND see their grandson all in one fell swoop. Additionally, this leaves us able to go out to dinner with Boof’s family, since his sister is in town from Georgia! Hurray! Yay for grandparents!

Except for when it’s not so ‘yay.’ Like, today, when Potamus hadn’t napped all day and I drove him home to get a nap in before we had to go for dinner. I walked into the house and found Fox News blaring on the TV (I swear, it’s all my parents watch, and it makes me insane-asylum-crazy to listen to it 24/7) and the bathroom flooded.

Yes.

My parents had taken a crap in the toilet, knew it flooded, “tried” to plunge it, and then just left. When I called my mom to inquire (after a small internal freakout and half hour spent trying to get Potamus to finally take a goddamn nap) about why there was enough standing water in the bathroom to float a small rubber duck, she replied:

“Oh, it wasn’t like that when we left!”

She was entirely too chipper for my liking. Especially since SURE it wasn’t like that when you left, but with a toilet bowl that’s continually running, the four hours you’ve been gone it went from dripping to a giant-ass puddle on my bathroom floor that I now have to figure out how to clean up with a toilet that is still clogged. It’s like having teenagers living in my house. Irresponsible teenagers even.

Talk about shitty all around!

But I only hit the wall one time with my fist, so I feel like I’m really utilizing those good coping skills. Which means there’s been progress. And I’m contemplating blocking Fox News from even showing up on our channel list so they might have to engage with something other than their normal propaganda. Like maybe I’ll only allow Ellen to be shown, because she makes me happy and irksĀ  my dad with all her fabulous gayness.

 

I hope the rest of the weekend isn’t as crappy. Ha!

 

A Whole New World

For some reason the lyrics to Alladin’s “A Whole New World” keep running through my mind, especially the first line “I can show you a world, shinging, shimmering, splendid…” Surely these lines weren’t written about a mall’s bathroom, but alas, my new found mommyness is having me look at the world in a whole new way.

I have been ushered into this whole new world of mall-going-with-baby by an old friend from collge. She has an almost 2 year old daugher and finds that drinking Starbucks in the mall play area is a much easier way to get in conversation than doing it an actual Starbucks. Probably less shattered coffee mugs and temper tantrums upsetting snobby coffee patrons. To be honest, before Potamus was born I wasn’t even aware that the mall had a play place, let alone that it would be strategically placed next to a Starbucks. And a maternity store. And 4 children’s clothing stores. A Hello Kitty store. AND a candy store. Yeah, somebody was thinking in the strategery of building this wing of the mall. I am seriously questioning my lack of observational skills, but then again, perhaps my brain needs to compartamentalize things and realized that before now, the play-place in the mall was as relavent to my life as those pushy dead sea salt scrub sellers.

But beyond these already amazing new learned experiences was the cherry on top of the whole sundae: the family “lounge.” Not to be confused with your run-of-the-mill family bathroom, that is really a glorified handicapped bathroom with a changing table, this lounge lived up to its name. Wide enough stall for a deluxe jogging stroller, a television with leather chairs AND toys and magazines for kids/parents to read, resembled a chic doctor’s office more than a public restroom. And, for breastfeeding mamas like me, the best part was a few private nursing stations with a leather chair and a curtain to pull for privacy. While I am not opposed to nursing in public with my nursing cover, the fact that there is a private place to step away for a few minutes before resuming shopping seems downright heavenly. In fact, while I am not much of a mall shopper, I might just start perusing the stores simply to be able to use that family lounge.

Wow, admitting that makes me sound really sleep deprived.

Clearly I will chalk this up to things-I-never-thought-I-would-do-or-think-while-having-kids list that I am creating. But seriously, this whole new world of things catering toward parents is downright flabbergasting.