Oh hello anger

Apparently I have been a little cocky in the PPD realm lately, sorta half-assing in the med department, because overall I feel fucking AMAZING as a new mama.

And then, last night, Boof was working late at the baseball game, and I had worked a full day and had a little less sleep than normal and yeah, Potamus was way over tired somehow and it took almost 2 hours of a screaming-nursing-bouncing/rocking-fallingasleepforfiveminutesbeforewakingupagain cycle. I was dazzled and angry. I might have yelled (okay, I definitely yelled) which made Potamus cry harder (i didn’t yell AT him, just let out a yell of frustration).  I wasn’t in danger of losing it, but I definitely just let him lay swaddled on the bed fussing for a few minutes while I went and got a snack.

And then, like magic, he fell asleep.

Maybe its not PPD, but I definitely am taking my meds today.

Working mom

I survived my on-call weekend, though there were a few rough patches along the way. Potamus, of course, took everything like a champ.

My parents came in to town to help manage the load, since Boof was working, too. I’m trying to involve them more, since they live much further away than Boof’s parents. Sometimes this adds to the stress, though, since they aren’t always on board with all of our ways of doing things.

Take Sunday for example. I was lead crisis counselor that day, so I end up being in charge of answering the phone and going out to families who need help. Well, I was on a few minute call, and when I got off, my mom was giving Potamus a 4 ounce bottle! In asked her what she was doing and she said he was fussy so she didn’t want him to cry while I was on the phone. A lovely gesture, and appreciated in the circumstance when I cannot nurse him, but he could have waited 5 minutes. And because she never brreastfed, she microwave the milk ( a no-no) and was actually giving him the milk from the storage bottle, rather than from the bottle that helps prevent comic…so he was gassy and uncomfortable for awhile when he woke back up. Not only that, I then had to spend 20 minutes pumping to get the effect of him nursing (without all the lovely bonding side effects).

But it is the thought that counts, and it was sweet to see him all cozied up on her lap, sleeping peacefully with Clidford, his red dog wubbanub pacifier in his mouth.

And, at the end of a long weekend, I came home to my little snuggle bug all asleep in bed. These moments are simply the best, where we just lay together and I can hear him breathe and I can smell that warm sweaty sleepy baby smell.

I am a working mom. And while I would love to win the lottery, or get a new job that doesn’t have such crazy hours, for now I will try to mindfully navigate this new road.