How yoga is improving my life

This week is midterm break for my students, and so my schedule is much more relaxed. We meet with each student individually, but these meetings only take 15 minutes or so, which means I’m done by 2:00 pm at the latest…and am off on Thursday. This relaxed schedule is freeing up time to practice yoga earlier, and so when I dropped Potamus off at grandma’s house, I decided to amble on down to their bathroom to weigh myself. While I rarely jump on the scale, seeing the numbers are merely one portion of overall health, I was SHOCKED to find that I am now at 214 lbs, which is only 5 lbs away from my postpartum weight (okay, really it’s only 2lbs away from my postpartum weight, since I LIED to my midwife about weighing less at the start than I really did. For shame…)

Somehow I have managed, in the past 2.5 months, to lose close to 15 lbs. I really think that the 3-4.5 hours of yoga in a sweaty hot room has really contributed to this overall weight loss. But beyond numbers on the scale (of which I am excited, not going to lie), I have also noticed other things. Like how shitty I felt after eating Jack N the Box for lunch today. And not shitty because I was beating myself up about it, but shitty because let’s be honest, Jack N the Box tastes like garbage.

Additionally, I cried on the way to work today. Not full on ugly cry, but I definitely felt emotion and it expressed through tears. I can’t solely contribute that to yoga, because it’s something I’m working on in therapy, but having all those hours a week where I have to focus on the mind/body connection is certainly helping me tap into the emotions and express them…and express them in a non judgy way.

You know how I bragged the other night about making dinner? Um, yeah, I did it again. Same recipe…ish…which means I’m sorta getting the hang of it, and feeling confident. It was lemon pepper papardelle noodles, and some chicken, and mushrooms, tomatoes, garlic and shallots all boiled together in the veggie stock and water. Topped with grated parmesan chese. While it won’t ever take the place of my love for marinara, it was pretty darn delicious and felt amazing that I stepped AGAIN outside my comfort zone and cooked, rather than simply heated things up. Also, I wasn’t too worried about the outcome, and that relaxed approach is much more mindful and like how I approach the difficult yoga poses that I do each week.

My weight has dropped, but I overall feel stronger and more flexible. I’ve been throwing Potamus around during our wrestling sessions in the living room. My clothes fit different and my mama belly pooch is firmer, though sweetly still dappled with the stretch marks. Overall I feel confident, like I can face a lot of things. And maybe that’s the antidepressants talking, but I’m gonna attribute a lot of that to my new yoga practice.

Have you started any new healthy way of life lately? How has it rippled into other areas of your life?

Winter Pills

I have the prescription. It’s sitting in my car, and is good for 5 months of refills. It will get me through the winter, with only needing to see my doctor again once as spring approaches. And truthfully, while it sounds like crazyville, I have some leftover pills from my previous prescription that haven’t expired and so I could get started even before I get this prescription filled. But I’m holding off. Holding off at the request of my new therapist, who is a psychologist, and one that I’m clearly trying to impress with my perfect-counseling-client skills.

Yes, I recognize the crazy.

Because she she said it could be SAD and that a ‘happy light’ might be really beneficial. And it’s advice that my massage therapist had recommended a long time ago, and something I’ve just known from my own counseling practice. Happy lights give a special wavelength to the brain to increase energy. To simulate, at a really low level, the sun which is absent from the Seattle-gray skies. And while I’ve been using it for a week, and can maybe tell a tiny little difference in energy, that could also be attributed to yoga, and getting more sleep.

But it hasn’t taken away the feeling that everything is falling apart. And I know that not everything is falling apart, because I haven’t gone over the cliff yet. There is still this rationale brain happening that looks around and sees that we are in a very calm place right now. My marriage is being strengthened by many really good conversations and carving out time for each other, my mommy guilt over doing things for myself in the evenings (yoga/therapy/girls night) is next to nil, and my work is feeling pretty smooth. And yet I feel one blink away from sobbing. Not tearing up at some misty-eyed news, but full on ugly cry, with mascara dripping down my nose. Holding it together feels entirely too exhausting, but what other choice do I have? A nervous breakdown is not something that will really fit into my schedule.

So maybe I’ll get the prescription. Or maybe I’ll keep on hanging on by a thread for a little while longer, because this happy light and herbs can make my brain better, right?