Fuck You First Response Ovulation Kits

biggest waste of $$ ever

I’m going to let you in on a secret…August is our month. Yeah, that’s right, we’re trying for another baby. And if it doesn’t happen this month, then we’re holding off until the spring so that we can try and ‘time it’ just right. Eek. Planning for a baby feels very different than sexy-time on the fly, ya know?

Okay, the last time I got pregnant was because we were doing the natural family method, and I had started a homeopathic remedy (vitex berry) to help me ovulate earlier. Because charting, using the basal body temp method, I found out that my cycles were about 35 days long and I ovulated on day 27, which is a far cry from the ‘normal’ 28 day cycle with day 14 ovulation. But basal body temps are tricky, have to be done at the same time every day and they have to be done on at least 4 hours of sleep…which…doesn’t happen often here (in a row, at least). So, I decided to run down to our local pharmacy and buy an ovulation predictor kit to see if I could use it this month to up our chances of conceiving.

Um. Wow. Talk about more steps and directions than the basal body temping method! Start on day 5 of the period and have to do it the same time every day. And if you start after day 5 then you have to wait the next month. Yeah. So everything was going fine, we had a few days under our belt and then BAM. The test broke. I have no idea what happened to it, but it’s not working, so now we have to result to the ol’…every other day method to try this month. That fun begins next week…

While it’s certainly not like the couples I know who have had to do injections or hormones or extensive charting or turkey basting, it still is annoying. The back of the package just seems so cheery and like “oh, try again next month,” and I want to punch it in the mouth and say “there is no ‘next month’ asshole. And you were a waste of $40.”

This is it, the month to try for a new little one! Tips/tricks/homeopathic remedies/ideas to help me get pregnant in one shot? Any advice/prayers/good vibes/thoughts welcome 🙂


  1. I did the basal body thermo method…I totally agree that it was a pain — but for me it worked both times! I have a good friend who swears by acupuncture. For her it did the trick 2x. It’s kind of crazy that something so natural can get so bloody complicated! I consider myself lucky (& grateful) that I never had to go down the tubes and pricks route…that just sounds like torture…and still not that reliable! Good luck!

  2. I have never tried to get pregnant (only tried not to so far), so I don’t have any advice to give. I wish you the best of luck though!
    If it is not too personal, I’m curious about what your thoughts are on timing (since you mentioned this is your last month before the spring). My husband and I aren’t trying for kids anytime soon, but I have given some thought to when the right time of year would be. I’m curious what others think, if you feel comfortable sharing.

    • I’d absolutely be comfortable sharing! So, if we conceive this month it puts the due date in the middle of May. We didn’t want to give birth earlier because my husband’s an accountant and Feb-April is the BUSY SEASON (60+ hours a week). Eek. Also, since I teach, I have unpaid summers off…if I gave birth in May I’d have May-mid Sept, which would be the least disruptive to my work schedule and his work schedule. The next best time to give birth would be late November, so that I would take Winter quarter off. If we don’t get preggo this month, we’ll be shooting for early spring to give birth the Nov of 2014. Make sense? This type of scheduling is really only a deal with jobs that are more heavy/light seasonally. I actually loved giving birth to Potamus in December because it was such a fun and cheery month!

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