When we first met we were both awkward, she had spoken up in Bible study saying that she was lonely, had no friends, and after the Bible study was over, I said, awkwardly, “hey, you want to go get coffee, I don’t have many friends either,” or something to that effect. What proceeded was two blissful college years where we spent hours upon hours talking (even racking up a $1,000 phone bill one summer when I was across country). Friendship with her was so easy and made me believe in soulmates. I firmly believe, that if there is reincarnation or past lives, that she and I have known each other in some capacity for thousands upon thousands of years.
But friendships aren’t easy after college. Our weekly phone conversations turned to monthly turned to quarterly and then dwindled to maybe every 6 months when I was lucky. And, honestly, I felt that I made the effort most of the time. I kept calling, leaving messages, and she seemed off in her cool little life, rock climbing and doing major wilderness trips, and I assumed that we had just fallen out of friendship. It’s something I’ve agonized over, but I don’t have time to pursue a friendship where it doesn’t seem reciprocal.
I put up a boundary in my mind: I’ll gladly reconnect if she contacts me first. I love this girl, but I can’t keep putting out the effort.
And that lasted for almost a year, with being busy as a new mom and with a new job. But then I saw that New Mexico was on fire and I sent her a quick text saying “I hope you’re okay, I hear it’s on-fire down there.” One simple text led to more texting lead to her saying she would call this week. I didn’t hold my breath, knowing she’s said things like that before in the past.
But she called.
And we talked. And talked. And talked.
I know that we had so much catching up to do, but we fell into an easy conversation. And it turns out, that she’s been going through a lot of stuff, both health-wise and emotionally wise. A lot of stuff I could relate to. And she’s been reclusive and talked about that and it was simply so nice to hear that she had withdrawn herself from friendships. While it wasn’t an apology, per se, it was this breath of fresh air to my soul. I can pursue a friendship to the end of the earth if I know that other person wants to be my friend, even if they can’t put in as much effort because of life stuff happening.
We have plans to talk again next week. I’m hoping that this is the
restart of something beautiful.