I tried to cheer myself up today by taking a walk around the neighborhood. We got half a mile before it started to sprinkle and we headed back inside. Rather than use the stroller, which Potamus rejects most often (and when he DOES ride in it, he often falls asleep and we’re not wanting that too early!). Instead, we did a little bout of toddler-wearing, which stopped a car with some lovely ladies who wanted to chat and admire my child and a-hole dog. I guess the site of a 6’1 mama carrying a large toddler is more reserved for the pages of National Geographic, but at any rate ,the walk was to get my mind off the day’s activities.
Because, today was the last day of class. My students did their final presentations and we had some yummy food and handed out certificates. It was lovely and just right, and then, when everyone left, my boss told me that the funding for the summer program isn’t happening, and so I don’t get to teach the 2 days a week that I had been asked to, a few weeks ago.
I’m super bummed.
Teaching two days a week would have been the perfect opportunity to get out of the house, keep working, and have Potamus keep a daycare routine…and one that’s not too out of my way, since I’d already be commuting that distance to work. Not having a job means $5,000 less over the summer and no real need to keep him in daycare, except my desire for him to have routine and for me to not be at home every-single-day with him.
So, my options are to spend the $ and keep him in daycare and spend those 2 days a week doing random non-mom things, or doing housework or whatever. Or send him to daycare and try to get another super part-time job. Or… be a full-time summertime stay-at-home-mom.
What’s hard about this decision, and one I’m not making overnight (because, fingers crossed the funding might get approved and I’d be able to teach the class…or find another on-campus class to teach), is that I had been excited about being a full time summertime stay at home mom (though I did still want him to go to daycare) . And then I was offered the job and realized that that was what I really wanted to do. So to have that taken away from me…I had gotten my hopes up and disappointment isn’t something I really like to deal with. And not just disappointment, but the though to of having to re-identify myself internally during the summer months to embrace a full-time with toddler routine.
The walk was lovely, though. I know it’s not the worst case scenario, but it was still pretty bum-tastic.
How do you deal with disappointment? How do you deal with changing roles or identities in parenting?