Let’s Pretend This Never Happened: A Book Review

If you’re a fan of pee-your-pants-funny writing, lots of parentheses, post scripts crazy stories from childhood, AND snark, then you really need to buy this book. Like, now. I mean it. Hilarious. Also, if you’re not a big fan of those those things, well, I don’t really know what to tell you…except you might want to skip the rest of this review.

I mostly love this book because she’s nutty and her writing reminds me of the rambling in my head. And while I didn’t have nearly as exciting of a childhood, I can definitely think of a few random stories that might compare.

A taste of one of her stories, is about the raccoons her dad helped rescue:

His name was Rambo, and he’d learned how to turno nt he bathroom sink and would wash random things in it all the time, like it was his own private river. If I’d have beent hinking, I would have left some Woolaite and my delicates by the sink for him to rinse out, but you never think to turn your pet raccon into a tiny butler until it’s too late.

Hilarious, right? RIGHT?

She then regales us with the tale of her father’s jumbo quail (read turkeys) and how annoying they were, chasing her and her sister. Her sister “had heard that turkeys were so stupid that if it rained, theyw ould look up to see what was falling on them and drown from rain falling into their noses, so we began to pray for rain, which was promptly answered by a full-on drought.” But she goes on to say, “we often talked about spraying the hose on them in order to weed out the stupider ones, but we could never bring ourselves to do it (both because it seemed too cruel, even in self-defense) and also because our father would probably find it suspicious if all his turkeys died in a freak rainstorm that had apparently broken out only next to the garden hose.”

But in between the hilarity, there are these gems of wisdom, such as the question:

Have you ever been homesick for someplace that doesn’t actually exist anymore? Someplace that exists only in your mind?

But, if you’re maybe just a littel bit curious, and don’t want to BUY the book, then head on over to her blog The Blogess

Date Night? Screw That! Let’s have a date day!

Taking advantage of the fact that a) Boof hasn’t started work yet (9 more days, folks!), b) we’d already paid up for the week on daycare and let’s not ruin Potamus’ excellent attendance record (7 days to be exact AND let’s not ruin his getting used to the schedule) and c) it’s a holiday for us education/government folk, we headed off into the great foggy gray city of Seattle for a fun-filled date day.

Per usual, our date was planned around food, the doughnut shop in Pike Place Market and a groupon at this divey bar for lunch. We arrived at the market BEFORE there was anyone around, which is a first, and we got to see our city through the eyes of a tourist…but, like a backstage tourist at Disneyland where you get to see Mickey without his head on and where they fold the sheets. Because the flowers and produce were set up, but none of the other vendors. BONUS was getting coffee in the first  Starbucks..there was NO line. None. Zip. Zero. Nobody else in the store except us. Which has never happened (hence why I’ve never been in there in the, ahem, 30 years I’ve been alive…also, nobody gives coffee to a baby, so maybe there wasn’t a line when I was a kid, but I don’t remember…).

We walked, and talked, and took photos with my sweet new cell phone camera. Wet met up for lunch with an old co-worker(twice) and friend. And to top of the excellent day, was going to pick Potamus up at daycare/school, only to find him HAPPILY playing and he crawled over with a HUGE smile on his face, instead of his normal I’m-so-happy-I’m-going-to-cry-because-you-might-leave-again face that he normally gives me when I get there. Heartwarming.

Though, I’m pretty plumb tuckered out, and there’s still a few hours left until I get to sleep!