Oh hello anger

Apparently I have been a little cocky in the PPD realm lately, sorta half-assing in the med department, because overall I feel fucking AMAZING as a new mama.

And then, last night, Boof was working late at the baseball game, and I had worked a full day and had a little less sleep than normal and yeah, Potamus was way over tired somehow and it took almost 2 hours of a screaming-nursing-bouncing/rocking-fallingasleepforfiveminutesbeforewakingupagain cycle. I was dazzled and angry. I might have yelled (okay, I definitely yelled) which made Potamus cry harder (i didn’t yell AT him, just let out a yell of frustration).  I wasn’t in danger of losing it, but I definitely just let him lay swaddled on the bed fussing for a few minutes while I went and got a snack.

And then, like magic, he fell asleep.

Maybe its not PPD, but I definitely am taking my meds today.

The Daily Grind

This morning was the first where I HAD to be up at a particular time to get to an outreach. Most every other morning has been filled with lounging, or at the very least me getting up when Potamus wanted, and not vice versa. But today was much different, and therefore harder emotionally. We were sleepsnuggling and I had to get up to get ready, and he was lying there all warm and sweaty and sweet. I tried to get out of bed as quietly as possible and to put a pillow next to him to help the transition, but he wasn’t fooled in the slightest. He cried so hard that I almost just crawled back in bed and called in sick.

But that wouldn’t have been good on day 3 of my job, eh?

So I sucked it up, and by the time my shower was done, Boof had managed to get him back asleep and both of my boys were all hunkered down in dreamland. It made my heart happy to see that Potamus and Boof were doing so well all snuggled up together, but part of me was also madly jealous that a) they got an extra few winks of sleep and b) they were doing it together.

And now I want to snugglesleep with Potamus before my workday tomorrow, and he is bright-eyed and bushy tailed and fighting his swaddle like a ninja.

Sigh.