Mom jeans…I haz them.


I spent FAR too long trying to squeeze into my pre-pregnancy pants. Sure I wasn’t REALLY showing until about 22 weeks along, and had falsely assumed that since I had lost 22 lbs in the past year, that I would be good to go wearing my pre-pregnancy jeans/capris/skirts until I had at least gained the same amount of weight from Baby Boof. Clearly, I was wrong. I bought a belly band to ease the transition from fully buttoned pre-pregnancy pants to unbuttoned goodness (which came with a lot of fear of exposing my lady-bits when getting out of the car).

And then, one day (it fel like this, anyway) I woke up and had busted out of EVERYTHING that I owned. Well, I did have ONE skirt I can still fit into, and clearly my leggings/dress combos are roomy enough to expand throughout this whole journey, but pants were out. Most skirts were out. And I am in a world of hurt.

So I noncholantly waltz (read: waddle) my pregosaurus body down to Target and Macy’s and several other random stores that have aproximately 5 maternity clothing options hanging pathetically in the darkest corner of the store. Surely I am bound to find something to fit my long-legs, right?

Clearly being pregnant has messed with my mind, because I had failed to realize that shopping for maternity clothes is just as, if not more, difficult than shopping for regular clothes. If we aren’t all built the same when we are not pregnant, what made me think our expanding bellies would even out our leg length and I could shop at sweet little shops like “A Pea in a Pod?”

At any rate, after a mild panic attack, I did manage to find a grand total of THREE pairs of maternity pants that are long enough at Kohls. And the sheer magic of putting these pants on is beyond any words the English language could describe.

WHY DID I WAIT SO LONG? Why did I believe the What Not To Wear nonsense that “comfort is bad, fashion is good?” I am now strategizing ways to a) stay pregnant forever to wear these amazing jeans, b) stay fat forever and somehow justify to Boof that these pants are eternally sexy or c) find an equivalently amazing pair of MOM jeans that feel the same level of comfort or d) create a non-pregnancy jean line that convinces the masses to embrace pants without waistbands…and thus uttering in World Peace on a grand scale.

It’s a good thing I’m having a gentleman baby so that he won’t be AS embarassed by my eternal MOM jeans.

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