Juggling Motherhood, Career and Personal Life

As sweet as it was to get Mother’s Day cards this year, I still don’t consider myself a mother…yet. So while I am in the process of becoming a mother, as little “chip-monk” grows (this is what Boof is now calling baby), I am still finding that it is difficult to juggle the balance between almost-motherhood, my career and having a personal life.

It doesn’t help that I started a new job 1 second after I learned about the pregnancy, or that the job is as a crisis-counselor. Granted, this stress is cognitively better than the stress that I was enduring at my last job, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that this is an easy process for me. And I wonder…at this point I am only balancing the theoretical idea of motherhood, and my career, and life…what will it be like when I am having to do it for real?

Hello Hormones, Nice to Meet You

Boof is the weepy one in our relationship. Okay, not weepy weepy, but he definitely has a few more sentimental bones in his body and is known to ‘tear up’ at special moments (like our wedding). I, on the other hand, only cry on rare occassions (like deaths) and when I am completely emotionally exhausted and it has built up.

But not so since little boof has made his home in my belly. I have found myself tearing up over the most random of things (like watching Boof and our puppy Ozzie sleeping or pictures of whales on tv). I am mostly okay with this new turn of events, as long as it is in the privacy of my own home, but I had the strangest experience this weekend of crying in public…and not being too embarassed by the whole turn of events.

Boof and I were at a wedding for one of his friends. His friend’s mom had died when he was in high school, which was sad in itself, but when he asked his stepmom to dance during the father/daughter dance, I got very emotional. Now I don’t even really know the married couple, and certainly never knew the groom’s mom, but it’s moments like this that just set off the waterworks. And they didn’t stop. I wasn’t bawling like a baby, but tears just kept running down my face (so much that a guy at the table asked if I was okay). I must have looked like the most sentimental fool ever, but what I was really thinking was:

Baby Boof will never know his great-grandpa Elmer, as he just recently died this spring.  I then began thinking about my sisters-in-law who will never have their grandpa at their wedding, and how our child will grow up with “Grandpa Tales” as bedtime stories, but never knowing the man behind the tales. I then began crying because all of the generations have bumped up a notch…the grandpa hole that is left is to be filled by my in-laws, and suddenly Boof and I are being thrust into the generation of  ‘married with kids.’ The generations keep rolling on, with the leaves of the family tree falling off at the top to make room for the new life…but it’s sad that we all can’t just grow up together, you know?

Fortunately, my mini-meltdown didn’t phase me too much (nothing can be worse than the few years where I was randomly passing out in public places), but it is a learning curve to embrace this new weepy side of myself.